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Partnering with Parents

August 16, 2017 by

This article was provided by Coaches Network and offers an idea on getting parents involved with your program. 

 

Working with parents is a major part of any high school sport coach’s job, whether they like it or not. Often times the parents of student-athletes can become a source of stress and anxiety for coaches due to the pressures on performance and playing time. It can also be easy for coaches, especially if they are young or new to the job and lacking confidence, to avoid communicating directly with parents. All of this can become overwhelming for a coach when coupled with their other responsibilities, but there is a solution: embracing parents and using them as a positive resource.

Karin Keeney, Head Volleyball Coach at Hebron (Texas) High School, has learned how to productively work with parents throughout her 29 years of coaching. Instead of shying away, Keeney has partnered with parents and developed lasting relationships that have helped to strengthen the entire volleyball program. “What I’ve learned over the years is that parents are a huge hidden asset and a resource,” she says. “Sometimes their not so hidden but they are a huge resource.”

“For us here at Hebron High School, our parents are very invested in our program,” she continues. “They work everything at our matches, from the clock, to the book, to the gate, to the scorekeeping, and they volunteer their pay back into our booster club so it becomes a kind of fundraiser for us.”

When Keeney first started at Hebron it was extremely difficult for her to find parents that could commit to working the matches. Out of necessity she contacted all of the parents on the team and that’s when they offered to take over the responsibilities of organizing and running the matches. At first Keeney thought this was simply a way to get part of the workload off of her shoulders, but it soon transformed into something much greater.

“I didn’t realize at the time how invested parents were getting because they worked just as hard as the coaches and the kids in the program,” she says. “That’s been huge for us. I get more parents that come back 10 or 15 years later, their kids have already graduated and have kids of their own and they’re still coming to watch Hebron Volleyball because they are as invested as we are in the program.”

Before the start of each season, the parents have a training session with officials who teach them about proper scorekeeping and officiating. Once the season begins, the parents use their own sign-up system to schedule all of the people needed to work the matches for Hebron’s five different volleyball teams. Whenever a parent can’t make a match they are scheduled for, another parent on the sign-up sheet quickly takes their place.

By collaborating with parents, Keeney has not only been able to lessen her workload and focus on her primary coaching responsibilities, but she has also helped to strengthen the volleyball program as a whole. Having parents take an active role in their kid’s athletics has made them much more invested in and committed to Hebron High School volleyball. Keeney encourages other high school coaches to embrace the parents of their athletes and to use them as a positive resource instead of viewing them as a source of stress.

“When I tell parents, ‘congratulations your child has made the program,’ I’m really in essence saying they have to. And at first they giggle at me until they realize that they really have,” she says. “It’s really proven to be a very positive thing here at Hebron.”

Filed Under: Program Building

Workable Solutions to Common Problems

July 28, 2017 by

This article and other helpful coaching tools can be found at Coach Dawn Writes

By Dawn Redd-Kelly, Head Volleyball Coach at Beloit College.

The reason we’re all so impressed with coaches like Russ Rose, John Wooden, and Phil Jackson is not just that they’ve been tremendously successful in terms of wins and losses.  It’s more that they’re able to navigate the normal ups and downs of teams and seasons, seemingly without missing a beat.  There is a great article at the Harvard Business Review’s blog called, Let’s Talk About Culture Change, and it talked about things that can be done to create the culture that you want.  After reading it, I brainstormed a list of common problems on teams and ways to solve them.  Check it out!

7 solutions to problems most teams will encounter at some point

Problem #1:  Your team has the dreaded “girl drama”.
Solution: Well, this one is tricky, because I’m not a big fan of that phrase…but I know that you’ll know what I’m talking about when I say it.  I’m talking about when your female team is fighting, talking behind each other’s backs, not willing to work together, gossiping amongst members…all of that stuff.  Drama generally starts when players have a conflict, but refuse to actually speak with each about it.  Then they go about building alliances with their other teammates, forcing everyone to choose sides.  Coaches must insert themselves into these situations and force the two athletes to talk it out.  It’s really that simple, because it’s probably just miscommunication.

Problem #2:  Your team is losing…all the time.
Solution: Ouch, this one is painful.  Not too many professions have to live out their successes and failures in public like coaches.  Chronic losing is touchy because it’s generally the culmination of a lot of things going wrong.  I would go back to my coaching philosophy and share it with my team.  The purpose of a team is more than getting together to play games, it’s teaching teamwork and leadership and goal setting…get on the same page with your team and things will get better.

Problem #3:  Your team leaders haze newbies.
Solution: So, your captains and leaders are picking on your young players in the name of team chemistry, eh?  In the words of Dr. Phil, how’s that working for ya?  I think we all recognize that the excuse “it was done to me, so I’ll do it to others” is weak and flawed, right?  I think it’s difficult to burden newbies with grunt work and then say we’re all in this together.  I’m not saying that there shouldn’t be perks to putting in your time on the team…but that’s a different conversation than saying there should be liabilities associated with being new.

Problem #4:  Your players don’t take being on the team seriously.
Solution: We sometimes see this on middle school teams where everyone’s forced to be on a team and also on teams at all levels with their non-starters.  They know they’re not going to play or it’s just not that important to them, so they don’t eat appropriately, they don’t get enough sleep, or they stay up all night before the big game doing homework.  Coaches have to give every player a legitimate role, even if they’re not getting court time in games.  We’ve got to give each player a reason to invest their time and energy into the betterment of the team or we’ll lose them.  Your bookworm players can break down stats, your future coaches can track opponent tendencies, your extroverts can make sure you guys are the loudest team in the gym.  There’s something for everyone…get them invested.

Problem #5:  Your team isn’t competitive.
Solution: I’m not talking about not competitive against opponents, I’m talking about them being adverse to competition itself.  I’m sure you’re wondering why anyone would want to be on a team if they don’t want to compete.  Well, there are many reasons.  They may want to get in shape, their friends may be on the team, they may enjoy the sport…but not the competitive aspect of it.  Coaches of these teams should find out what motivates the players on their team.  Once you find out what it is, you can start to incorporate competitiveness into the mix and show them that competition isn’t negative, but very positive and fun.

Problem #6:  You and your assistant coaches aren’t on the same page.
Solution: Ugh, this one is no good…especially if your players can tell.  You guys don’t want to be like feuding parents, being played against each other by your team.  When you hire your assistants, you’ve got to let them know what your coaching style and philosophy are…that way, they can support you even if they don’t agree with everything.  Weekly meetings will help everyone stay on the same page and being a head coach that’s open to new ideas will keep your assistants focused and upbeat.

Problem #7:  Your players don’t connect with you.
Solution: I’m certainly not saying that you’ve got to be homies and Facebook friends with your team…I actually think that’s a bad idea.  Coaches are in a power position, so there’s no real way to be friends with your athletes.  That doesn’t mean we can’t be intentional about connecting with each of the players on our teams.  The best way, in my opinion, is to connect with things outside of sports…then they’ll be more willing to listen to you when it’s athletically related.  Talk to them about their classes, their boyfriends or girlfriends, the clubs they’re involved in on their own time.  Even better?  Go to their performances or competitions, they’ll appreciate it!

I’ll bet you can think of other situations, or problems, that need solutions…let me know and I can write about those too!

    

 

Filed Under: Program Building

Boost Your Team’s Self-Esteem

July 19, 2017 by

This article and other helpful coaching tools can be found at Coach Dawn Writes

By Dawn Redd-Kelly, Head Volleyball Coach at Beloit College.

I’m a huge fan of TEDtalks.  I watch them, I show them to my team.  I think everyone should be watching them.  Well, it turns out that TED has a website with written articles and it’s just as good!  So when I saw 5 ways to build lasting self-esteem, I thought this would be great to talk about in relation to our teams.

Here are some ways we can help our athletes when their self-esteem needs a boost:

    1. Use affirmations correctly. “Grit” has been in the news lately as a way to help children succeed, but I think folks of all ages can use it.  For a player who’s struggling with self-esteem, saying “I’m the fastest runner on the team!” won’t ring true and won’t actually motivate or encourage them.  But saying, “Surely, I’ll succeed if I keep running these workouts as hard as I can!”

 

    1. Identify competencies and develop them. This one is about digging into a skill they’re good at and keep working at it.  Not that we don’t want to create well-rounded athletes, but we’ve got to give them enough reps (and compliments) at their particular skill that they feel confident…even when the occasional mistake happens.

 

    1. Learn to accept compliments. People with low self-esteem aren’t receptive to compliments will have a million reasons why the compliment isn’t true.  Learning to simply say, “Thank you”, will take our athletes down the road to higher self-esteem.

 

    1. Eliminate self-criticism and introduce self-compassion. If you’re not helping your athletes with their self-talk, that’s a great area of growth.  The best way to start is just to ask them what they’re thinking when they’re having a bad spell.  Odds are, they’re saying negative things (“Don’t miss this free throw again” or “Please don’t pass me the ball”) instead of gritty things like, “Even Michael Jordan missed some free throws!”

 

  1. Affirm your real worth. When this player who needs the self-esteem boost is feeling particularly low, maybe they could even write a list of why they’re good at their sport. As cheesy as it sounds, it forces them to articulate why they do what they do.  An effective spinoff of this strategy is to have their teammates write the list for them.

According to the article, “when our self-esteem is higher, we not only feel better about ourselves, we are more resilient as well, we are also less vulnerable to anxiety, and we release less cortisol into our bloodstream when under stress.”  And those things will help them perform better…and increase their esteem!

 

 

Filed Under: Program Building

Making a Not to Do List

July 11, 2017 by

By Mandy Green

Mandy is the  Head Soccer Coach at The University of South Dakota.

 

Mandy is also an Author, Speaker, Trainer and Consultant. She has posted many useful tools for coaches of all sports on her site Busy.Coach

All of us fall sports are less than a month away from starting our seasons.  AAAAHHH! So exciting!

I’m sure you have either had or will have shortly a conversation with your staff about your priorities and what you want to accomplish for the season.  I just did this recently by myself and my list ended up being about 25 things that I wanted to work on.

After jotting down my initial list, I then met with my staff to review the list and we circled the top five that were most important to us for this season. As I expected, we initially struggled to narrow down everything, and it took some time to make a decision on what our top 5 would be.

Finally, when we decided on our top five, we next needed to ask “Now what are we going to do with the other 20 things on our list?”

Hesitantly, my assistants responded: “Well, the top five things are our primary focus. The other 20 things are not as urgent, but we can still plan to work them into our practices.”

Sounds like a reasonable answer right?

What I said next surprised them.

“I believe that is a mistake that we have made in the past. I think that everything we didn’t circle just became our ‘avoid at all cost’ list.”

We all have so many things in our coaching life that we want to do and accomplish. Who wouldn’t want to succeed at 25 different things? I learned the hard way that when we chase after 25 things at once with our team, we run the risk becoming a jack-of-all trades, but a master of none.

Items 6-25 on your list are probably all very important things, and things that could make your team better. But when it comes to Items 1-5, Items 6-25 are a distraction.

As James Clear writes, “Spending time on secondary priorities is the reason you have 20 half-finished projects instead of 5 completed ones.”

In my study of high performers over these last few years, avoiding distractions to focus on what matters has been a HUGE key to their success.

What sets apart high achievers is not the number of ambitious things they plan to get done, it’s the ability to avoid distractions in order to focus on accomplishing the things that matter.

“People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.” — Steve Jobs

Creating a NOT To-Do List
We’ve all familiar with creating a to-do list to increase our productivity and that is the first list I want you to create. The 2nd type of list that will jump start our productivity is the not-do list – things we shouldn’t do. By being conscious of what to avoid, it’ll automatically channels our energy into things that we want to do. Doing both hand in hand will maximize our performance.

HOW TO CREATE YOUR OWN “NOT TO DO” LIST

Put away your phone, your planner, your to do list apps, and your timers. Instead, take out a sheet of paper and go through this exercise which will help you make your own Not To Do List.

The steps are easy:

  1. Write down your top 25 goals for this upcoming season.
  2. Circle your top 5 goals
  3. Avoid working on any goal that is NOT circled at all costs

Once you have your two lists, focus all your efforts on dominating your top 5 goals and ruthlessly eliminate the 20 less important goals.

It couldn’t be simpler than that.

Whether you’re looking to bring about progress into your program or you’re seeking a way to simplify your coaching life. Creating a Not To-Do List will help you focus on the projects that matter.

Seeing through on your do-not-do list ultimately may take sheer force of will. Like everything, you will get better with practice.  Jim Collins writes, “The real question is… do you have the discipline to do the right thing and, equally important, to stop doing the wrong things?”

When you get stuck on your not-to-do list, you waste time and end the day frustrated because you didn’t progress on your important top 5 goals.  Make your list and post it where you can always see it to remind yourself of what you should not be doing.  Enlist the support of co-workers to help keep you on track.  If you find yourself doing something on your do-not-do list, get up, walk around, refocus, and then get back after your important to-do list items.  Good luck!

I’d love to hear what makes your list!  Please email me your list at [email protected]

Filed Under: Professional Development, Program Building

Parent Meeting Ideas

July 6, 2017 by

 

The purpose of this post is not to say that you should run your Parent’s Meeting like this, but just to stimulate your thinking on how you can make your Parent’s Meeting as productive as possible.  It is more than a task to complete on the season checklist, it is an important opportunity to build positive rapport with your athlete’s parents!

The coach/parent relationship is extremely important, and as we all know, is one of the most difficult parts of coaching. I believe that holding a pre-season parent meeting will help to communicate with the parents in mass in a non-confrontational way. After our meeting, we open the practice to parents to watch.

The agenda that I have used for our parent meetings is outlined below

We start off with this quote from Lou Holtz:

I don’t think coaching is about making a million dollars a year. I don’t think coaching is about winning championships. I don’t think coaching is about going to a great school. I think coaching is about helping young people have a chance to succeed. There is no more awesome responsibility than that. I think one of the greatest honors a person can have is to be called ‘Coach.’ ”
—Lou Holtz

WE ALREADY ARE AT A GREAT SCHOOL!

1. Thank you for your attendance and for dealing with our practice times throughout the year—there are seven different practice times and game schedules being played right now.
2. Coaching Staff and attendance for information purpose.
3. Goal #1 for coaches: Establish a life—long relationship with each participant that cannot be broken.
Goal #2 for coaches: Assist in the development of all aspects of the life of the participants. Goal #1 for participants: Have the most rewarding season of his/her career to this point in our sport.
4. Cost to parents

5. Relationship of coach and parents
A. I look forward to a friendly, professional, and productive relationship with every parent.
B. Roles—Play, coach, officiate, support (Each of us should stick to one of those roles ONLY)
C. Please be supportive—“Listen to your coaches about (volleyball, soccer, football, baseball, whatever the sport is)” is the best advice to give. I have an entire program to consider. Over 100 students in grades 5-12.
D. Notebook—please look at your son/daughter’s team notebook that we provide him/her.  It will helps you understand our philosophy
E. Playing time—Coach’s decision and is not negotiable
F. Role in program or program level (varsity, JV, Freshman)—Coach’s decision and not negotiable
G. Strategy—Coach’s decision and not negotiable
H. I will not discuss other players with parents
I. I will talk to you about any other area that can help your child
J. Please support our priorities—again, please see your player’s notebooks.  We put their personal spirituality, family, health, citizenship, and academics as higher priorities than volleyball.  I would rather have him miss practice for a Dr. appointment than to miss a class.  Of course, I would prefer he not miss class or practice, but if a choice has to be made, he would be excused from practice as long as I know ahead of time so that I am not surprised.  I hope it doesn’t happen, but I realize there are emergencies where communication with a coach is not a priority.
K. We ask that you follow the chain of command on all concerns. If your son has a concern that he shares with you, please ask him if he has spoken to the coach about it. We would appreciate your son extending us the courtesy of seeing the coach he has a concern with first. I am not perfect, but I am the coach and it is my job to deal with any problem that affects the program. I would appreciate hearing concerns directly from your son.  I do my best to be someone who is worthy of their trust and respect to be able to approach when there is an issue.
L. Parents may attend practice. However, it is the opinion of our coaching staff that it is not in the best interest of your child to do so.  We feel it puts undo pressure on him, but each child is different in that regard.

6. Administrative Items Web Site Waiver, Prospect Sheet, Code of Conduct
7. Web Site, E-mails
8. Question and answer
9. Food for away games
Varsity and Junior Varsity (Need volunteers)
Freshman Games (Need volunteers)
Other ideas–signs, buttons, pictures, having the team over to your home Please follow our priorities if the players are at your home
10. Locker room tour for parents and watch practice if you are able.

Filed Under: Program Building

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