By John O’Sullivan, founder of Changing the Game Project

A few nights ago I went to a graduation. Not a high school or a college graduation, but one far smaller, and far more personal. In fact, there were only seven kids, one of which was my 9-year-old son TJ. He and six others were being recognized by their amazing teacher for their dedication, hard work, and persistence in overcoming their struggles with a language-based learning disability that strikes one in five children. They all have dyslexia.

The teacher began the ceremony with a talk about self-efficacy.

“Self-efficacy,” he said, “is the belief that your effort and hard work matter. It’s a child’s belief in their ability to achieve their goals and complete tasks. In our schools, in our sports, so many times these kids lose that belief because of a learning disability. They are called slow learners, they are called frustrating, they can’t sit still so they are called disruptive, and yet, in reality, they probably work harder than anyone else in their class. They just have a disability that impedes their progress, through no fault of their own. They work so hard, and yet are led to believe that their work does not matter. So they eventually give up.”

One by one the seven kids were called to the front of the room, and their teacher described their unique gifts, their unique paths, and how they had overcome their own unique struggles in school and in life. He gave each of them an award related to their contribution and development, not just in reading, but in art, in laughter, and in relationships with others. He caught them being good at things and recognized them for it. And as he described each award, I saw an amazing thing: a smile on each kids face that could light up a room.

As the famous conductor and speaker Benjamin Zander says: “Look at their eyes. If their eyes are shining, you know you’re doing it.”

I saw seven pairs of eyes shining that day. Which brings us to an important question:

Are your players’ eyes shining when you coach?

Does your presence make your athletes day a better one?  Do you recognize each and every one of them for their unique gifts and contributions to the team? Or do you only spend time with a few of your players, likely the starters and/or upperclassmen. Have you ever wondered why you had a roster full of talent, but no team? I have.

Many years ago I had a group with lots of talent, but no team. We had players dissatisfied with their role. We lacked effort in training. We were outworked in games. I had front row seats watching our season go down the tubes. Thankfully, I also had a friend and mentor who happened to be a 6x national champion NCAA soccer coach, Jerry Yeagley from Indiana University, whose words stick with me to this day:

“John, coaching isn’t just running practices and X’s and O’s. It’s about culture, and unity, and recognizing every player for what they bring to the table. Your problem is you have a bunch of piano players. Every team needs some piano carriers too, and if you want people to carry the piano in training and games it’s up to you to let them know that they matter too.”

Those words from Jerry nearly two decades ago changed how I coached, how I led, and how I set up my teams. But something far more important happened that day.

The fact that the legendary Jerry Yeagley cared enough to help me – an unknown, unimportant college assistant and youth coach – made my eyes shine.  He made me feel like the most important person in the room. He made me remember how my favorite coaches made me believe in myself and let me know that my contribution mattered. And he made me feel like I was progressing, and I had a future in coaching.

What I realized that day was this: If I can make my players feel like Coach Yeags just made me feel they would run through a wall for me, and for each other. If I could get them to believe in themselves like his words made me believe in myself, then nothing could stop us. I learned that day that coaching isn’t only about X’s and O’s, but about relationships. I realized for the first time that if I could win the relationship game, I could help my teams win the game on the field too.

I realized that I had to make my own players’ eyes shine!

Most coaches ignore the relationship game. They assume that players know when they are doing well and when they are not. They forget how great it feels to get a compliment, or to be trusted and believed in. They forget what it was like as a player to see progress, and have your contribution recognized. Maybe that is the way they were coached, so they assume since they were OK with it, everyone is OK with it. But they are not.

Another mistake coaches make is that they spend too much time focusing on their top performers. Yet what about the other players on the team, the ones who don’t get the recognition? The ones whose names don’t appear in the paper, and may not even appear on the game day roster. They may never score the winning goal, or make the big save, yet they are a vital part of the culture of championship teams. They make practices better. They are the top players #1 fans. They can be your biggest allies, or your worst adversaries. How do we serve them?

I recently had the opportunity to see business and organizational health guru Pat Lencioni  speak about his excellent new book The Ideal Team Player, and he discussed three areas bosses often fail their team members. In essence, he was discussing how we fail to make our people’s eyes shine.

Every athlete, whether a star player or the last one off the bench, needs three things from a coaching staff. The presence of these three things will help get every player to buy in. The absence, or worse, the antithesis, will destroy your culture, and tear your team apart.

Here are three keys to making your athlete’s eyes light up, improving performance, and building a championship culture:

Recognition: Every player on a team needs recognition. I am not talking about trophies for everyone and 8^th place ribbons. I am talking about the absolute need for a coach to take the time to recognize the contribution of every player who comes to practice, gives her all, and fulfills a role. I am talking about the need for catching every player being good, and epitomizing core values. You see, the star players usually get plenty of recognition. They win MVP’s and all-league awards, and they get recognized by classmates and fans. But what about the players who don’t get to play? Without recognition, these players see themselves as anonymous. As Lencioni says, “people who see themselves as invisible or generic cannot love their jobs, no matter what they are doing.” The same goes for every player on every team. No matter how much they love a sport, eventually they will grow to hate it if they do not get recognized for contributing something to the effort.

Relevance: Every player needs a role. Some can be top scorer, others the top defender. Some can be leaders, some can be supporters, some can be the smart guy, others the funny guy. But most importantly, every player must be something. Players without a role feel irrelevant. They feel like their hard work and effort don’t matter. A coach who sends his reserves to work with the assistant coach every day and never coaches them makes them feel irrelevant. A coach who never calls a reserve player into the office and compliments them for working hard, raising the level of practice, improving their shooting, something, anything, will lose that player. You must find something about every player and let them know how that contributes to the greater good, and that their work matters. If you believed at your job that no one would miss you if you were gone, chances are you would jump at the chance to do something else, and rarely go the extra mile. If your players feel the same way they will disengage too.

A way to measure their contribution: It’s easy to measure goals and assists, points and defensive stops, tackles, and fumble recoveries. It’s easy to measure a time in a 100 yd dash or a swim meet. But how do you measure things that are harder to measure? Let’s face it, a defender on a soccer team might never have a measurable statistic beyond minutes played, and if a coach consistently touts the goal scorers and shot takers, that defender can quickly start to believe that her contribution doesn’t matter. But at least she is playing! What about the kid who doesn’t play?

You can have players measure free throws made, or juggling in soccer, and chart progress over a season. You can measure who shows up first or leaves last, and give recognition for that. You can also find tangible ways to measure your team core values. If your team values effort, you can give out hustle points in practice. If you value positivity, you can measure how often a player makes a teammate smile, or gives an encouraging word to a player who is struggling. Every sport is different, but the more things you can measure, the more ways you can demonstrate how an athlete is not only progressing, but contributing to the greater good. We value the things we can measure, so find ways to measure how each and every athlete contributes, or doesn’t contribute, so you can measure progress. In the words of Lecioni, “without tangible means of assessing success or failure, motivation eventually deteriorates as people see themselves as unable to control their own fate.”

If your talented team is going down the tubes, before you look at your athletes, you need to look at yourself. If you don’t like what is happening, it’s not only up to your players to fix it. It’s up to you to fix it.

Do all your players feel valued? If not, fix it.

Do all your players have a role? If not, make them feel relevant.

Do you measure everyone’s contribution? If the answer is no, figure out a way how to.

“Who am I being that my players’ eyes are not shining?” asks Benjamin Zander. Who am I indeed.

Let’s make our athletes’ eyes shine. We might just win a championship. More importantly, we might just change a life.

Changing the Game Project  is a site that is your one stop shopping for  the latest and greatest information, research, and best practices regarding high performance, motivation, Long Term Athletic Development, fitness, nutrition, college recruiting, and more.

These were written long enough again that they are framed in the masculine gender, but I hope there are good messages for ALL athletes and coaches.

Little Eyes

Author Unknown

There are little eyes upon you
And they’re watching night and day;
There are little ears that quickly
Take in every word you say;
There are little hands all eager
To do anything you do;
And a little boy who’s dreaming
Of the day he’ll be like you.
You’re the little fellow’s idol,
You’re the wisest of the wise.
In his little mind about you
No suspicions ever rise.
He believes in you devoutly,
Hold all that you say and do;
He will say and do in your way
When he’s a grown-up like you.
There’s a wide-eyed little fellow
Who believes you’re always right
And his ears are always open
And he watches day and night.
You are setting an example
Every day in all you do,
For the little boy who’s waiting
To grow up to be like you.

The Man in the Glass

Author–Dale Wimbrow

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to a mirror and look at yourself,
And see what THAT man has to say.

For it isn’t your father or mother or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass;
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.

You may be like Jack Horner and chisel a plum
And think you’re a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you’re only a bum
If you can’t look him straight in the eye.

He’s the fellow to please, never mind all the rest,
For he’s with you clear up to the end,
And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.

The Man on the Bench

Author Unknown

The man on the bench is the man for me
He’s not the star, but he’s the key .
Without his aid and help each day,
I doubt if there would be a play.
Every run by a team on “big game” day
He holds the dummy and shows the way when
The other team runs that certain play.
When not being clocked, he’s chasing punts.
Or shagging fly balls, and fielding bunts,
Or a hundred and one other useful stunts.
He’s always the “skins” against the “shirts”,
And the night of the game he sits and hurts,
He helps with equipment, and picks up balls.
Sets up the hurdles, and takes the falls,
But is always ready when some coach calls.
He’s not on the sports page every time
When a “dollar” is waiting, he’s the “dime”

He comes to the banquet with a little prayer,
Hoping this year the “letter” is there.
As he squirms wishfully in his chair.
And he suffers a little along with his coach,
As the names are read and no approach
Is made to him there is a wrench
In his heart. But his teeth will clench,
As he says, “next year”, this man on the bench.
What happens to all the men like these.
Who seem, all elbows, thumbs, and knees.
Don’t feel sorry for their frustrations,
They are the men who head corporations,
And sit on the councils of great nations.

They learn the value of raw sheer grit,
The determination that won’t say quit.
The value of facing rugged strife
To face the gun with just a knife,
They learn how to make a fight in life.
To the man on the bench I give my hand
With the greatest respect, ’cause he’s my man,
Please don’t worry, he’ll go far
Be it jet propulison or motor car,
Somewhere in life, he will be a star.

This article is courtesy of Coaches Network

Coaches can often walk a fine line when trying to motivate their young athletes. Choosing the right words to get the most out of your players can be challenging when also trying to instill lessons that go beyond winning and losing. Janis Meredith of CouchUp.com outlines various ways that coaches can inspire their team without creating tension or emotional harm. Specifically, Meredith identifies five phrases that can put undue pressure on young athletes and should therefore be avoided.

1. “This is a MUST win!”

Even if your team is about to compete in a playoff or tournament game, it does not usually help to emphasize that winning is all that matters. Players already understand that it’s an important game that needs to be one if they want to keep playing, reiterating this probably wont help them. There is so much more to be gained from such a competitive game that focusing only on winning can keep your athletes from getting the most out of the experience. “They will play another season, other games, and reminding them that this is a “must-win” will not help them play any better; it will only help them worry all the more about messing up,” writes Meredith.

2. “Watch how (insert name here) does it! You can do it too!”

It makes sense to occasionally use players on your team as examples when trying to teach a certain skill or technique. Yet this type of tactic can also have a negative psychological effect on the other players. Though coaching tactics like this usually come from good intentions, they can easily do more harm than good. Try to avoid comparing players to each other, or singling out a certain person. Instead, motivate the entire team to get better together.

3. “You’re the best player out there! Go show them how it’s done!”

Even if the athlete is the best player on the team, telling them that they need to prove this can put provide unnecessary pressure. Meredith writes, “That mindset may work for older athletes, but for young athletes it is an unnecessary burden to bear.” Keep in mind that it is easy for young athletes to feel overburdened by pressure from their coaches, making it important to avoid singling out specific players. Provide this type of encouragement to the entire team and they will likely share the responsibility together instead of one person feeling like they have to do it all themselves.

4. “Remember what happened last game?”

Most of the time, players remember their mistakes and therefore coaches don’t need to provide constant reminders. Mistakes should be addressed in a way that athletes can learn from them, and one of the main responsibilities of coaches is to help in the learning process. Don’t let your players dwell on their mistakes by reminding them what happened. Instead, give them the knowledge and confidence needed to avoid those mistakes in the future.

5. “Destroy the other team!”

This puts the focus on the opponent instead of the actual performance of your own team. It may just seem like a classic way to motivate your players and get them fired up, but it does nothing to help them visualize succeeding. Encourage your team to play their best, regardless of the opponent. “The object of the game is to win (with integrity) and not to intentionally hurt opponents,” writes Meredith.

Instead of focusing energy towards these last minute motivational speeches, try to just encourage your young athletes to play their best and enjoy the game.